Dave and I arrived at the rally on the Beast 2 hours before Sarah and Graham due to brake failure. We pitched the tents, it's not as difficult as Sarah claims, then headed for the bar. Sarah and Graham eventually turned up and joined us for a drink and to watch all the bands. four bad bands playing good punk songs badly and one good band playing bad 80's songs. A good evening of drinking and me and Graham comparing scars before turning in about 1am.
At about 2am my superhearing alerted me to a 'domestic' occuring some way down the field. I then heard Dave's tent being unzipped and Sarah saying, "go and sort it out supermarrow." I immediately thought of Robin being sent to do Batmans work and hastily reached for my leg.
I became aware of the shadow of supermarrow as he raced past my tent
I searched for my Apple iPhone 4S courtesy of '3' (that's the version above Dave's) to use as a torch so I could find my stump socks. I could hear a crazy man shouting at his girlfriend to get on the back of his bike. "get on, we're going home," then sobs as she hesitated before acting on the lunatics demands. Supermarrow could be heard arriving at the scene of the madness.
I pulled my leg on then fumbled with the zip of my tent before lighting an inspiring 'super' cigarette.
The bike was revving now and the damsel had foolishly climbed aboard. Just as it set off the drunken idiot in 'control' sustained a hard punch on the side of his helmet which put him, his bike and his girlfriend safely on the ground.
At this crucial moment where the violence could potentially be stepped up a notch, I realised I had put my leg on without putting my jeans on. Deciding not to perform my heroic deeds wearing only underpants I began taking my leg off again. As I did this the lunatic picked his bike up, hauled the damsel back on board and revved to the red line before falling off again. Supermarrow dragged the shaken damsel from the scene of the accident before Sarah, who had now arrived at the scene led her to safety. Supermarrow offered the drunken biker two options, he wisely chose option one and his bike was put on it's stand and he began rebuilding the happy couple's canvas homestead.
I got my jeans and my leg on and crawled out of my tent only to see supermarrow and Sarah crawling back into theirs, having restored peace and safetly to the campsite.
I bravely wandered around my empty tent for a few minutes checking to see if I could offer further heroic assistance to anyone. But all was quiet so I returned to my comfy sleeping bag safe in the knowledge that my work was done, for this night at least.
It's difficult to define insanity but I guess going off to camp in a muddy field in freezing cold weather would be one of my definitions
This did not stop Dave, Sarah, Pete and dave. Not surprising as they have the combined IQ of a damp fence post. I mean you only have to look at the departure. One nearly hits a wall and one goes off in completely the wrong direction.
These are not normal people.